Real Estate Agent With Degree In Sound Engineering Reckons Now Is A Great Time To Buy

Real Estate Agent With Degree In Sound Engineering Reckons Now Is A Great Time To Buy

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact Despite looming concerns about the state of Australia’s housing market, one local Real Estate Agent assured us today that everything is going to be okay. “Now is a fantastic time to buy,” Angus Black told one of our reporters. “The market is booming. Absolutely booming. We are seeing year on year incredible returns […]

Local Girl Sends 83 Drunken Texts Explaining She Doesn’t Need Toxic People In Her Life

Local Girl Sends 83 Drunken Texts Explaining She Doesn’t Need Toxic People In Her Life

TRACEY BENDINGER | Social Nuances | Contact After making excuses to get out of an arranged dinner date, Sally Westington (27), sits at her Betoota Cove apartment drinking alone and scouring over social media. Unfortunately, her moment of bliss was cut short when the Virgo saw a photo of two of her best friends having dinner together – the […]

Ladies Unwind By Ordering Extremely Complex Cocktails From Solo Bartender At Peak Hour

Ladies Unwind By Ordering Extremely Complex Cocktails From Solo Bartender At Peak Hour

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact Bartender and mixologist Andy Samson could feel some eyes burning holes in him this afternoon as he frantically tried to get through an overly burdensome cocktail order. The part time employee at the Royal Coke Hotel in Betoota’s Data Entry District was meandering his way through the afternoon shift, pulling happy hour beer […]

Barista Asserts Authority By Loudly Referring To Your Skim Cappuccino As “Skinny Cap!”

Barista Asserts Authority By Loudly Referring To Your Skim Cappuccino As “Skinny Cap!”

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT For young professional Calum Jones (26) ordering a large skim cappuccino is hard enough to do without feeling judged, especially at his local cafe where barista Isaac Banon (30) asserts authority by loudly announcing Jones’s order as “tall skinny cap!” “It’s bullshit. He knows my name, he asks for it, still yells out […]

Report: Gunning Down Highway Not Impressive Unless Right Arm Carelessly Hangs Out Window

Report: Gunning Down Highway Not Impressive Unless Right Arm Carelessly Hangs Out Window

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A recent report by the National Roads and Motorists’ Association has found that high-speed driving is not nearly as cool unless you flop your sloppy pale arm out the window while doing it. In a report commissioned in 2014 by former NRMA chairman and former Manly Sea Eagles coach Geoff Toovey, researchers have […]

Elon Musk Promises To Make Summernats 100% Renewable By Next Year Or It’s Free

Elon Musk Promises To Make Summernats 100% Renewable By Next Year Or It’s Free

TRACEY BENDINGER | ACT | CONTACT The 2018 Summernats car festival ended yesterday, however, news of the fully-charged-high-horsepower-high-pollution event has only just reached the United States of America, more specifically, the popular energy entrepreneur, Elon Musk. Where most people curse the car festival for the unapologetic noise and environmental pollution it causes every year, Musk sees it as […]

Local Chicken Shop Feels The Wrath Of 1 Star Review From Joint Facebook Account

Local Chicken Shop Feels The Wrath Of 1 Star Review From Joint Facebook Account

LOUIS BURKE | Food | CONTACT After a negative experience at a local chicken shop, semi-retirees Lionel and Linda decided to take matters all the way to the top by complaining on the business’s Facebook page. From their shared account, LindaandLionel Norman, the couple posted this 1-star review on the Facebook page of Juicy Charcoal Takeaway: “I had to […]