Catlike Abilities Wasted On Cats

Catlike Abilities Wasted On Cats

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT According to its owners and other acquaintances, a local cat has spent most of it’s spoilt life on its arse, and not doing any of the cool shit humans would do if they were cats. 3-year-old Fluffy has not once climbed to the top of a tree in the botanical gardens and […]

Amazon Working To Stop Alexa From Giggling While Reading Your Search History

Amazon Working To Stop Alexa From Giggling While Reading Your Search History

The world’s largest retailer and biggest reason your bank keeps calling you to double-check if your card was stolen or not, Amazon, has today announced a new internal investigation into several reports that Alexa, their SmartHome platform, has been randomly and consistently bursting into laughter while reading your Internet search history. In a press conference […]

Senator Di Natale Getting Everything Ready For 20th Of April

Senator Di Natale Getting Everything Ready For 20th Of April

LOUIS BURKE | Youth Culture | CONTACT Leader of The Greens Richard Di Natale did not appear his confident, charming self as he spoke to reporters today, appearing to fidget and twiddle his thumbs. “I’ve just been trying to make sure we can clear our schedule in a couple days. I’ve been making sure there’s nothing I need […]

New Nationals MP ‘Mrs Joycefire’ Impresses Colleagues At Party Conference

New Nationals MP ‘Mrs Joycefire’ Impresses Colleagues At Party Conference

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT As The Nationals party begins to feel some sense of normality again, their party summit in Gundagai (aka Rock the Riverina) has been shaken by the arrival of boisterous new MP known only as Mrs Joycefire. During George Christensen’s Warren Truss impersonation, Mrs Joycefire stormed the stage, snatching the microphone, before proceeding […]

Unemployed Mate Not Ready To Hang Up Just Yet

Unemployed Mate Not Ready To Hang Up Just Yet

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A recently-but-not-so-recently unemployed man is making drastic moves to avoid watching Ellen on television today, and instead, he is stretching out phone calls with his mates working 9-5. While his mates act polite and try their best to not be distracted by their jobs, Jim Peterson (28) wants to know what else happened […]

David Warner Issues Heartfelt Apology For Betraying ‘The Spirit of LG OLED Televisions’

David Warner Issues Heartfelt Apology For Betraying ‘The Spirit of LG OLED Televisions’

KENT REGINALD | Scandals | CONTACT Former Australian Vice-Captain and current holder of the ‘Trevor Chappell Award For Most Disappointing Australian’, David Warner, has issued a heartfelt apology to fans across the world after his actions betrayed the very spirit of LG TVs he once held so dear. Warner, who was today banned from cricket for 12 months […]

Jenna Hoping Mark Doesn’t Tell Anyone That She Told Ally That Bella Hooked Up With Tim

Jenna Hoping Mark Doesn’t Tell Anyone That She Told Ally That Bella Hooked Up With Tim

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Jenna Betts (27) says she doesn’t really like partaking in gossip, but sometimes it’s for the greater good. And, for the record, it’s not technically gossiping if you are simply informing a close friend of something that is being kept from her. Like, she’d want someone to do the same for her. That’s […]

INXS Best Enjoyed At Full Volume In Greek Hunk’s Marrickville Mercedes, Says The Chicks

INXS Best Enjoyed At Full Volume In Greek Hunk’s Marrickville Mercedes, Says The Chicks

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A recent report by the nation’s chicks has found that the music made by 1990s Australian rock band INXS sounds way better when blaring from inside a Winfield-scented Valiant, owned by a bad boy from down the road. Dubbed ‘The Marrickville Mercedes’ – the Chrysler Valiant has for several decades been a popular […]