Uni Student’s Positive Outlook On World Slowly Being Crushed By Perpetual MDMA Comedown

Uni Student’s Positive Outlook On World Slowly Being Crushed By Perpetual MDMA Comedown

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A first year uni student who spends half of each week weaving her way out of a ‘come down’ has slowly started to talk less about saving the world, and more about self-degrading feminist comedians. As described by the American Medical Association comedown or crashing is the deterioration in mood that happens as a psychoactive drug, typically a stimulant, is […]

Report: Rove Doesn’t Seem To Age

Report: Rove Doesn’t Seem To Age

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Despite almost a twenty year career in media, Rove McManus has not really aged much. The Commonwealth Scientific and Industrial Research Organisation have today announced a new wave of federal funding to looking this bizarre phenomena. “Usually short white guys age the fastest” says CSIRO CEO Larry Marshall. “This is a bit […]

Peking Duk Reveal Plans For 2018: Buying The Raiders And Appointing Ken Nagas As Coach

Peking Duk Reveal Plans For 2018: Buying The Raiders And Appointing Ken Nagas As Coach

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Following a warm reception to the release of their new single ‘Let You Down’ featuring Swedish electropop duo Icona Pop, the North Canberra electronic music duo Peking Duk have today revealed even bigger plans for 2018. Speaking to The Betoota Advocate today, the band says their latest collaboration is a modern heartbreak melody and the first […]

Brisbane Says It’d Prefer A Real Youth Crime Problem Over These Lame Fucks On Scooters

Brisbane Says It’d Prefer A Real Youth Crime Problem Over These Lame Fucks On Scooters

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The people of Brisbane are cringeing today at the fact that the closest thing to street-crime that their inner-city police have had to address is a bunch of lame kids riding scooters. This comes as several arrests were made against teenagers who were dangerously riding scooters through the city on Sunday in […]

Financial Sector Confirm “Staff Bonding” Code For “The Boss Will Be Doing Cocaine Too”

Financial Sector Confirm “Staff Bonding” Code For “The Boss Will Be Doing Cocaine Too”

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Feeling extremely delicate, tender, frazzled and flat, young Sam Wilson is not in a good state today. After another “team bonding session” where the aspiring investment banker consumed a copious amount of alcohol and a significant amount of cocaine, Wilson told the Advocate that he wouldn’t mind something more traditional. “Fuck […]

Local Girl From Your Hometown Has A New Business Idea

Local Girl From Your Hometown Has A New Business Idea

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local girl that you haven’t really heard much about since she briefly moved to the city for the three months before returning back to your shared hometown, has started up another short-lived business, it has been confirmed. The invitation to like her new business page on Facebook has her entire social […]

Bloke Who Sells Admin Software To Medium-Sized Businesses Describes Job As ‘Hustlin’

Bloke Who Sells Admin Software To Medium-Sized Businesses Describes Job As ‘Hustlin’

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT To the untrained eye, 28 year old Jacob Lieschke is a sales representative for a company that sells workflow systems to medium sized corporations. Ask the man himself however, and you’ll get a different answer. “I’m a hustler. I’m out there hustling all day erry (sic) day.” Following the phenomenon of young men […]

“I’m The Big Dog” Says Bloke Who Isn’t The Big Dog

“I’m The Big Dog” Says Bloke Who Isn’t The Big Dog

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT An ambitious local man has been campaigning on-and-off for several years now with a self-given nickname that suggests he is at the top of the food chain in his social circle. When asked where his nickname came from, Stuart Williams just shrugs and says “everyone calls me it” “Because it’s true” The 28-year-old […]