IN-Focus

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A Brisbane-based meat trader has suffered the indignity of attending an in-person meeting today in Sydney's soulless and hellish Northern CBD, causing him to come to the conclusion that it's a shithole of epic proportions. Darcy Cutler, of the Darling Downs Beef And Watermelon Co-op, relayed his opinion to his Sydney counterpart. "I don't know how...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A little guy has bought himself a Ford Ranger today, heralding a new beginning where he gets to look down on people for a change. Secured with a novated lease that sees him pay nearly $200 a week in fuel costs alone, manlet Dale Puck also wanted to tell readers of The Advocate that the...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A nurse at the French Quarter District Health Centre has laughed at two new parents today and labelled them 'cowards' after the stressed young couple revealed to her that they bought a Snoo. The Snoo bassinet uses technology to essentially rock a baby back to sleep while blasting white noise in their ears, a technique...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A Irishman living in our town's French Quarter is pleased today after learning of fabled menswear shop Tarocash and the treasure trove of waistcoats that are available for purchase there at a reasonable cost. Opposite Michael Hill Jewellers and adjacent to The Reject Shop, Tarocash was founding tenant of the Betoota Heights Stockland and...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Rugby's Hamish has called an emergency cocktail dinner in Paris this evening after Wallabies coach Eddie Jones sensationally quit after a disastrous World Cup campaign that has seemingly done the impossible - make rugby union even more irrelevant. Known for his penchant and unquenchable thirst for the finer things in life, millionaire Rugby Australia Chairman...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A local boy who was heard laughing at something this afternoon while home sick from school is no longer sick, according to the boy's father. Derek Johnson, the proprietor of a local autospares distributor, had to take the day off work because his 7-year-old, Clark, supposedly woke up feeling sick. The 47-year-old said he hates parents...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The unsinkable Barnaby Joyce has thrown his hat in the ring to be the government's drought envoy this week as the El Nino cycle begins to settle. Citing his previous experience as Canberra's eyes and ears on the ground when it comes to primary production during dry spells, the Member for New England shot a...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Everyone's favourite purveyor of frozen deserts has announced today that they've called in the administrators because everyone has gotten too flash for them. With the rise of culinary television, shows like My Kitchen Rules, MasterChef and the Great Australian Bake Off, the average Australian's taste for artisanal sweets has grown while demand for your traditional...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The nation's peak scientific body today has released some grim news for those that wonder about things more than others. Researchers and academics from the Commonwealth Scientific and Industrial Research Organisation (CSIRO) have been hard at work attempting to answer the question of how the common kitchen kettle knows when to turn itself off after...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactThe world has this week urged actor Will Smith to please, PLEASE buy his wife/non-wife Jada Pinkett Smith a moleskin diary for her birthday, after being collectively forced to hear every sordid details from their marriage over the past few years, including Jada’ dalliance with her sons best friend, her obsession with former lover Tupac Shakur, and now the...