New Diet Must Be Serious After Salad Is Chosen Instead Of Chips

New Diet Must Be Serious After Salad Is Chosen Instead Of Chips

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact Harley Billings (26) has shown his commitment to a new cause today, after ordering a pub meal, and specifically requesting salad, instead of chips. The happily engaged teacher from the Golf Course Estate told our reporters today that he had promised himself, and his partner that he was going […]

Apathetic Gen-Y Says He’d Care More About UberEats Cyclists If They Weren’t Always Late

Apathetic Gen-Y Says He’d Care More About UberEats Cyclists If They Weren’t Always Late

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Friends of Joshua Blade-Morgan say he’s a bright young man – which is why he often collects all the facts before making his judgement. “That’s why I guess he’s so apathetic toward those UberEats cyclists,” said one pal. “He understands we live in a vapid, soulless and capitalistic world that’s wholly dictated by the […]

Student Peruses Selection At Bottle-O Likes He’s Not About Rummage Through Bargain Bin

Student Peruses Selection At Bottle-O Likes He’s Not About Rummage Through Bargain Bin

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact “Mmmmm… Côtes du Rhône ce soir, monsieur?” he giggled to himself. “Nah, not tonight. I’m not in a position to fork out $20 right now. Maybe when exams are over.” A mildly, not wildly popular second-year student at the South Betoota Polytechnic College toyed with the idea overnight of perhaps treating […]

Could Legalising Cannabis And Taxing It Fix The NBN? Barnaby Joyce Says ‘Whatever’

Could Legalising Cannabis And Taxing It Fix The NBN? Barnaby Joyce Says ‘Whatever’

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The former Nationals leader Barnaby Joyce was asked by our reporters this morning via mobile telephone if legalising could find the troubled NBN infrastructure and rollout – who which he said, “Please leave me alone, I don’t care anymore.” Barnaby Joyce, a popular Coalition backbencher, said that it’d ‘probably help’ with the funding […]

Bunnings Employee Powers Through 5th “Nah Mate, I’m Fine” And Gives Unwanted Opinion

Bunnings Employee Powers Through 5th “Nah Mate, I’m Fine” And Gives Unwanted Opinion

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact “Looks like you’re building a bathroom?” asked Banjo Clemente. Miles Hanlon, a grown adult, looked up to see the fresh-faced Bunnings storeperson looking back at him. “Yeah, mate,” he said. Banjo smiled and began the first assault on Mr Hanlon’s personal space. “Well, have you considered what you’re going to be doing to […]

Local Film-Based Photographer Stares Down Nose At The DSLR Peasants

Local Film-Based Photographer Stares Down Nose At The DSLR Peasants

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact “There’s just no artistry in digital photography,” he said. “It’s so vapid and disposable. Technology is the greatest killer of creativity, you must confine yourself – limit your palate and make it a fight,” “That’s where the best art comes from.” You’d be forgiven for thinking that perhaps Ernest Pinochet-Kong has inhaled too […]

🎩’s Leather Jacket Makes Fresh Appearance In Last-Ditch Effort To Prevent Spill

🎩’s Leather Jacket Makes Fresh Appearance In Last-Ditch Effort To Prevent Spill

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Prime Minister used a hot cloth this morning to wipe the mould off this famous leather jacket in a last-ditch effort to prevent an almost unpreventable leadership spill this week. Though nobody is expected to stand against Malcolm Turnbull should a spill be called from the backbench, the reemergence of the jacket […]

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