Bill Shorten attempts to cultivate new ‘bad boy’ image by wearing Bailey Nelsons inside parliament

"No Mr Speaker," he said. "You can shove your request for me to take my sunglasses off up your arse."

Bill Shorten attempts to cultivate new ‘bad boy’ image by wearing Bailey Nelsons inside parliament

9 February, 2016. 15:23 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The leader of the Opposition has shrugged off a number of personal attacks from the Prime Minister yesterday by choosing not to remove his sunglasses as he entered the House today. Bill Shorten was labelled a ‘parasite’ by Malcolm Turnbull yesterday amid a heated exchange […]

Tongue Simply Not Capable Of Dislodging Food Caught Between Teeth

Tongue Simply Not Capable Of Dislodging Food Caught Between Teeth

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT For 23 year old Hailey Gibbs, today has a been one tenacious struggle with a singular piece of meat lodged between two of her teeth. After an early lunch this morning it appears a seemingly inconsequential left over meal containing some roast pork, left Gibbs locked in a war of attrition lasting […]

Radicalised Neo-Nazi Preparing To Commit Act Of Poor Mental Health

"It's me against the world. But I'm going to start with the people that Donald Trump has told me are trying to hurt me"

Radicalised Neo-Nazi Preparing To Commit Act Of Poor Mental Health

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local Neo-Nazi, Chuck Hindenberg (17), has been radicalised to the point where he is toying with the idea of buying a gun and committing an unfortunate series of events for a political ideology Much like Islamist terrorists, Chuck has been groomed by online recruiters, who have brainwashed him into thinking that committing tragic circumstances […]

Local Artist Didn’t Expect You To Understand The Subtext Of His Extremely Shit Painting

"I didn't expect you to understand it. Of course you don't understand it"

Local Artist Didn’t Expect You To Understand The Subtext Of His Extremely Shit Painting

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local artist, Richie Benowski (29) says he didn’t spend eight years at art school to have to dignify your basic human understanding of aesthetics. “I didn’t expect you to understand it. I don’t give a fuck if anyone buys it” he spits, venomously. “That’s not why I do it… To appease the […]

Stop Calling Donald Trump ‘The Don’ Says Furious Cootamundra

Stop Calling Donald Trump ‘The Don’ Says Furious Cootamundra

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The ‘ropeable’ people of Cootamundra in NSW’s Central-South-West have demanded all media outlets stop grossly misusing the nickname ‘The Don’ when describing American President Donald Trump. They believe it is bad for tourism, and say they are sick of clarifying to media outlets that their town is the birthplace […]

Mum Says Your New Haircut Will Look Even Better In A Couple Of Weeks

"Ohhhh! It looks different!"

Mum Says Your New Haircut Will Look Even Better In A Couple Of Weeks

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Without explicitly saying anything negative, your mum has just indicated that your new haircut is shit, over Skype. It didn’t take mum long to notice that something had happened to your hair, and after decoding her loving criticisms it is assumed that she thinks you’ve taken too much off […]

Local Fob Would Cop A Hiding If Mum Heard How He Talks Around His Aussie Mates

"But, man I love getting on the piss with them"

Local Fob Would Cop A Hiding If Mum Heard How He Talks Around His Aussie Mates

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The behaviour expected from someone who grew up in a strict South-Brisbane household doesn’t often go hand in hand with the behaviour expected from someone who cuts concrete for a living, as local fob Chanel Schuster (27) is well aware. While successfully living a double life between his Church-going family […]

Report Finds Food Buzzer Not Going Off Yet, Someone Must Have Knocked The Table

Report Finds Food Buzzer Not Going Off Yet, Someone Must Have Knocked The Table

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A new government study into anticipatory salivation has found that at least 70% of people who eat dinner or lunch at pubs with vibrating food pagers have experienced ‘phantom buzzing’. The new study, conducted by the Licensing Inquiries and Testing For Australian Management (LitFam) ombudsman, has found that thousands of Australian’s […]

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