25 August, 2016. 13:02
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
CHAOS REIGNED AS THREE wild beasts burst through the door of their local Sizzler restaurant in Brisbane’s north this afternoon, wanting nothing more than to loosen their belts and get full.
Leaving no stone unturned, the trio meticulously pillaged each buffet in a systematic, yet utterly gluttonous act of greed. Early estimates suggest that the famous Queensland cafeteria chain may have recorded their first net loss on their famous all you can eat option.
Police and rangers from the National Parks and Wildlife are confident that close to 11 kilogrammes of hearty potato bake went missing this afternoon, which has left many in the animal control and public safety industry scratching their heads.
“That’s a lot of potato bake,” said wildlife officer Michael Concubine.
“The most disturbing thing is that Sizzler potato bake is traditionally a side dish. What kind of animal has a side dish as a main? The answer is a wild pig. One staff member is receiving counselling after she saw one of the animals turning his bowl of green jelly back into a liquid form with a fork, so it’d slide down his gullet easier,”
“The salad bar was also the subject of their interests, nearly four kilograms of avocado rocket salad has gone walkabout. In all my years as a wildlife officer, I never thought I’d see such piggery.” he said.
Other witnesses to the event explained to The Advocate that not only was their behaviour crass and vulgar, so too was their language.
One of the pigs at the centre of the controversy allegedly slammed his fists down on the table after he’d had ample sufficency, shouting, “I’m as full as mum on Father’s Day, let’s get out of this cunt hole,” which shocked and mortified other diners.
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