Migrants Advised Southern Cross Tattoo Easiest Way To Showcase Australian Values

Migrants Advised Southern Cross Tattoo Easiest Way To Showcase Australian Values

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT

Malcolm Turnbull’s latest attempt at emulating Tony Abbott this week has resulted in a new Citizenship test.

The new test will reflect “Australian values,” despite the Government admitting that they are unsure what values will be assessed and how it will be done.

However, the Advocate can reveal that applicants can pass the test by getting a sizeable Southern Cross (also known as the So-Cro) tattoo emblazoned across their body.

Government officials confirmed this morning that the shortcut would allow any migrants to streamline their citizenship process.

An insider said that; the move will hopefully make Malcolm look more in touch with the “people,” who he referred to with inverted commas.

“Look, Malcolm is so desperate to hold onto the Prime Ministership that he is even thinking about getting one of these tattoo’s himself,” the official how wished to remain anonymous said.

Leader of the United Patriots Front, and well-known web cam ranter Christopher Shortis has criticised the move, saying that the only way to shortcut the test should be having satisfactorily white skin.

Oddly, another element of the new test will be filtering out people with a history of domestic violence, which seems distinctly at odds with the aforementioned “Aussie values.”

Leader of the Opposition Bill Shorten responded to our questions with a melodic “Save Medicare” chant.

One Response to "Migrants Advised Southern Cross Tattoo Easiest Way To Showcase Australian Values"

  1. Anthony Abbott   April 21, 2017 at 5:05 am

    Turnbull is a complete bastard! He is stealing my ideas! I have had the Southern Cross tattooed on my gooch to prove my Australian street-cred since I was leader of the Opposition! Peta Credlin says it was the finest work she has ever done, and not made any easier by the fact we were three sheets to the wind in a Govt. limo heading to Kirribilli house, at night, I might add. Its time the Strayan people realised they have a true-blue leader in Tony Abbott and demanded my reinstatement!
    #AustraliaNeedsTone

    Reply

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