Local soft boy needs two hands on the pliers to cut plain wire

'Cause I'm a maaaaaaaaan, womaaaaaaaaaaann.

Local soft boy needs two hands on the pliers to cut plain wire

17 July, 2016. 12:45

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

GRAPPLING HIS 10-INCH CRESCENTS like he’s holding a cricket bat, a North Betoota sissy has embarrassed himself this morning by using both hands to cut up some plain wire.

Stopping short of wearing gloves, Sam Earle (24) let out a quiet, audible moan as he finally heard the clink of wire hitting the earth beneath his feet.

While it’s more socially acceptable to use two hands to cut up some high-tensile, it’s heavily frown upon to use both hands on plain, soft wire.

“I don’t care what they think of me,” he said.

“These neanderthal field workers can laugh at me all they want. I’m going to go to Brisbane next year and earn the big bucks. It will be great, I can listen to Tame Impala without blokes asking me when my boyfriend is coming to lift my shirt,”

“One bloke even knocks off orphaned livestock with his Crescents. What a crook cunt.”

Earle isn’t planning on ever getting strong enough to cut up wire with one hand, but if he does, The Advocate will be the first to report it.

More to come. 

3 Responses to "Local soft boy needs two hands on the pliers to cut plain wire"

  1. Trev   July 17, 2016 at 12:50 pm

    See, if old mate bought himself a set marvels this shit wouldn’t of happened.

    My advice, cut up the crescents and put them in the bin!

    Reply
  2. Dave   July 17, 2016 at 3:19 pm

    The Advocate has introduced me to Tame Impala.
    Thanks, guys!

    Reply
  3. Toucan Sam   July 18, 2016 at 5:50 am

    Dont let this story slip, boys.

    Reply

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