Local Man Admits Defeat And Puts A Blade Two Through The Rest Of It

Local Man Admits Defeat And Puts A Blade Two Through The Rest Of It


After years of patch-up jobs, Spanish comb-overs and zany hats, local man, Travis McKinnon, has heeded the advice of fellow tow balls and taken the chop.

In what he admits was a long and drawn out process, McKinnon flirted with the decision to mow off the cal-de-sacs in his hairline for some time.

“The writing’s been on the wall for a while now… or the hairs had been on my pillow probably more aptly… but it’s still not easy. It’s a pain only a bald man can know.”

Explaining what prompted the bold next step in accepting his baldness, the mortgage broker said he could no longer hide his shame… or skull.

“I was standing under strong down lights, looking at myself in the bathroom mirror, and thought ‘Get Fucked!’… so I went to K-Mart and bought a set of Remington clippers”.

Talking about the lengths he’d gone to in the hope of reinvigorating his fledgling mane, McKinnon was proud of the way he took the fight up to male pattern baldness in recent years.

“I’ve tried all the butters and creams. Regaine… Alpecin shampoo… That Warnie shit… I even had a consultation for some “Yeah Yeah”… so I’ve left no comb unturned” he laughed.

Friends have been supportive of McKinnon’s “brave move”, with close mate Ben Rucker saying it’s a “big improvement” and “it’ll be nice having a shower and not stepping on tufts of Trav’s hair.”

McKinnon’s partner, aspiring Make Up Artist, Monique Harvey, is still getting used to the new look, admitting that she “liked him with hair”. But for McKinnon, he’s already reaping the benefits.

“It’s pretty windy outside at the moment, which was traditionally my worst nightmare, but I’m going to head out for lunch today. I’d have never done that with my former crop of feathers.”

But it’s not all good news for McKinnon and his bald brethren, with recent studies showing women actually DON’T prefer bald men, despite what that shared Facebook article says. A spokesperson for the Follicular Health Institute suggested the popularity of actors Jason Statham and Bruce Willis can largely be attributed to their pay checks, and not their chrome domes.

If McKinnon’s worried about any of that, he’s not showing it, and now 24 hours on from his first in a lifetime of future buzz cuts, he is comfortable with his new aerodynamic look.

“There’s only so many times you can wear a fedora without looking like a pedo, so I’m happy to have put those days behind

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