25 March, 2016. 11:40
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
In what can only be described as an uncanny parallel to the biblical recount of Jesus Christ’s death, local man Brent Yardy has been crucified by his cross missus today – not even 1985 years after a eerily similar experience was handed to the son of God.
Brent claims his girlfriend, Bess, became hostile over the fact that he had opened a can of beer at 11:00 am.
“She was really flogging me,”
“I mean, Jesus! It’s only one”
Many onlookers at the Yardy family gathering have sat in shock while the 33-year-old was put on the cross.
“It’s Good Friday, Brent! Where’d you even get that. All the Bottle-O’s are closed!”
The lashings continued in front of indifferent members of the family, until finally Brent’s father intervened with a drink of his own.
“I’m with Brent on this one, it’s never too early. Who’s up for a rum?”
Brent turned his head slowly to his loving Dad.
“Father, into your hands I commit my spirit”
After a few too many rums, Brent was then put to rest in his man cave where he is expected to remain for three days.