ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A leaked internal meme from within the Vatican has outlined that Cardinal Pell will receive stitches should he choose to co-operate with authorities investigating child abuse in the Catholic church.
So far, Pell has made it emphatically clear that he will not be dogging the boys by breaking ranks to give some real evidence to royal commissions or Victoria Police should he be charged.
The memo states that the 74-year-old will get the flogging of a lifetime should he choose to snitch on paedophiles he’s since chosen to protect.
“There’s a big difference between protecting and harbouring paedophiles and not wanting to snitch on your mates,” said the big Victorian.
“Some of these people from the royal commission last year are trying to imprison are my good friends. Plus we Catholics look out for each other. That memo is also a fabrication, the higher powers in Rome aren’t pressuring me to forget evidence and lie.”
However, a senior Vatican aide identified in the leaked memo has confirmed that Pell will need to visit a Roman emergency department should he snitch on any of the boys.
While there’s no mention that he’d be seriously injured, there’s definitely potential for bodily harm.
Religious commentator for the Courier Mail Bill MacSwiggen has painted a nasty picture of what could happen to the Cardinal, should he speak out to police.
“We’ve seen Catholic leaders end up getting the living daylights flogged out of them with things like jumper cables and phone books,” said MacSwiggen.
“One German bishop was found guilty of eating a halal doner kebab and the Vatican forced him to eat a whole King James Bible. Apparently, he didn’t hang a shit for 11 days after that.”
More to come.