ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
IN AN EFFORT TO further protect Australia from outside threats to our way of life, the Department of Immigration has announced today that one aspect of the citizenship test will require a candidate to mix a glass of cordial and make fairy bread.
Should the potential new Australian make a particularly weak glass of cordial, they will be sent home. In addition to this measure, should the refugee make a slice of fairy bread that isn’t buttered to the edge of the crust, they will also be deported.
It’s the first bipartisan agreement made by both sides of parliament, who quickly agreed to the new laws.
“Every Australia, for any walk of life, has been to a celebration of some sort where slices of fairy bread were plentiful and Cottee’s Fruit Cup flowed like wine,” said federal immigration minister Peter Dutton.
“More importantly, we want each new Australian that we to learn how to correctly mesh with our way of life. This is one of the most culturally important aspects of our way of life.”
“If you don’t like strong cordial and fairy bread, then you might as well look at going somewhere else.”
There’s also pressure on authorities to re-educate Australians who’ve come to enjoy a weak glass of cordial, which is seen by some as one of the leading causes of public humiliation behind a limp handshake.
Also, people who use margarine instead of real butter when making fairy bread are hurting our dairy industry.
“These problems are having a detrimental effect on the social fabric that holds Australia together,” said Dutton.
“We’ve had too many young women throw their handbags in the river and now more young men putt from the rough than ever before. Incorrectly mixed cordial is entirely to blame for this.”