Accidentally eating a black jellybean still the worst thing to happen to man

"Vaccines and licorice cause autism." he said.

Accidentally eating a black jellybean still the worst thing to happen to man

10 November, 2016. 11:34

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

PETER GROSSHOLM DIDN’T¬†just stumble upon Rosie O’Donnell’s sex tape, nor has he eaten any bad oysters lately.

The 32-year-old people power campaigner accidently bit down on a black jellybean while catching up on Narcos in a darkened room.

Thinking it was a delicious grape-flavoured purple bean, he popped in his mouth and started chewing.

Four seconds later, he knew he’d made a huge mistake.

Running for the door, he was caught short. His first little vom came up without much warning and plastered the living room door with the mango pop tarts he’d had for lunch.

Struggling to twist the vomit-slicked doorknob, Grossholm finally worked the lock and collapsed on the deck of his parents home, where he still lives.

“This is the worst thing that’s every happened to me, worse than the time I got caught by the police throwing rocks at cars as a boy.” he said.

“If I had a choice between getting flogged with a billy club down the cop shop or eating a black jellybean, I’d probably eat the jellybean. I’ve been hit in the head so many times, the government’s trying to take away my license.”

“I can’t hear out of my right ear.” he said.

 

3 Responses to "Accidentally eating a black jellybean still the worst thing to happen to man"

  1. Ge   November 10, 2016 at 7:34 pm

    That’s #DanTheMan from The Slow Mo Guys

    Reply
  2. gravy   November 11, 2016 at 12:29 am

    This is great work fellas, just top notch. This is not sarcastic.

    Reply
  3. Pudenda Non Grata   November 11, 2016 at 11:41 pm

    “……while catching up on Narcos in a darkened room…….”

    http://sterculianrhetoric.blogspot.ca/2016/04/fun-with-retarded-brits.html

    Anonymous said…
    I’d say woman under thirty. A preposterous self confidence only alumni of North East Ivy leaguer’s or alien Oxbridge provenance – would possess maybe but of Caribbean extraction (and maybe lived over here a tad) She has never been near a working ward or a grindstone come to that but probably knows someone close who did.

    Narcissistic, endless propensity for self love, self promotion – probably an only child and always with the Socialistas conscience, so twee but knows not of hard graft, sooo daddy’s money will sort all those blues out.
    Nothing better to do, idle hands and with a big gob, wind up and is her secret thrill.
    27 February 2016 at 00:02

    Blogger Sterculian Rhetoric said…
    Dearest Anonymous @ 27 February 2016 at 00:02

    Lord T’underin’ Jaysus B’y, but are you off the mark.

    I am Asian and born 1979 in the country formerly known as Burma while me Mam was peddling her ass “on the road to Mandalay” and me Pa was being anal raped by Aung San Suu Kyi and her kin. So as a S.L.O.R.C. enthusiast by default (“cause we hate Suu Kyi and her half-breed crotch fruit), it is unlikely I would have Socialist sympathies. I gots me no book learnin’ but I wrangled me 8 letters after my name and 2 before it by fellating the right people in the frozen wastelands of Soviet Canuckistan(That’s Canada for you retards) after I emigrated from Myanmar via Paris,France and Bogota, Colombia settling in Toronto, Canada.
    No family money, but I did make a few bob peddling my ass and coca in Bogota for a few years. I still to this day curse my youth for being too young to have appreciated my meetings with Pablo Escobar.

    Nu?
    You were wrong on all counts except the narcissist bit. And you sir, are my able Enabler.
    Oh and the self-love bit too, I’ve oft’ been accused of engaging in acts preparatory to Onanism. You know, polishing the pearl, slapping the little man in the canoe? The Queen’s is such a wonderfully idiomatic language for describing those sorts of activities – ain’t it great?

    You completely forgot arrogant too!
    I am woefully arrogant – and for very good reason if I might add. You sir, conversely, are a modest man, also for good reason.

    Innit?
    27 February 2016 at 01:10

    Reply

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