Seven Wins Broadcast Rights To Commonwealth Games With 6-Pack Of Oettinger Pilsners

Seven Wins Broadcast Rights To Commonwealth Games With 6-Pack Of Oettinger Pilsners

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

It was an offer too good to refuse, according to a spokesman from the Commonwealth Games.

After a fierce battle between rival networks, Channel Seven has come out on top after offering Games executives a 6-pack of Oettinger Pilsners, a popular beer among students and value seekers.

Seven reportedly countered the Nine Network’s offer of a soiled pair of Diesel jeans and a frisbee at the eleventh hour of negotiations.

“The jeans were quite nice, but we had to go with the beer,” said Dirk Poncho, a person employed by the Games committee to negotiate the television rights.

“The total value of the rights was around $40 yes the 6-pack is only worth a fifth of that. However, we couldn’t take Nine’s deal because more than one person in the office wanted the jeans and frisbee,”

“Channel 10 was more flexible. They came in with a ham quiche but they dropped it just as they walked into the boardroom. Terrible. They also had two lighters and a blunt steak knife but at the end of the day, we thought the beer would be better for all involved.”

Speaking candidly to The Advocate regarding the deal, Seven’s chief negotiator, Dennis Cleary, said he feels the network paid too much for the rights but is optimistic that it’ll all work out.

“I thought I was fucked when that bloke in the backward flat cap from Ten rocked in with the egg pie,” said Dennis.

“But then it slipped out the front of the box and splattered all over his Air Maxes. Very funny. Anyway, turns out cold beer is always a winner,”

“We’re happy with the result.”

More to come.

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