Science Discovers There Are Humans Who Still Get The Train Between Capital Cities

Science Discovers There Are Humans Who Still Get The Train Between Capital Cities

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Australia’s peak scientific body has released findings this afternoon on their website that outlines that there are people walking among the rest of us who get the train between the nation’s capital cities.

It was long assumed that with the advent of cheap air travel, the Victorian-era transport method stopped running trains between major cities.

According to the CSIRO, there are people who still elect to travel slow.

“It blew our socks off,” said Gavin Hoskins, from the scientific agency.

“We set out to test the hypothesis that people don’t use the interstate train service anymore and what we found really rattled us. There are people who apparently haven’t heard of air travel yet – or are scared to do so,”

“You can even sleep on these trains. They run overnight between the big three capitals. You can even get the train from Melbourne to Cairns if you want. What the actual fuck?”

The organisation’s researchers also discovered that in terms of pricing, the rail service is often more expensive than the airlines.

“That’s what really had us fucked,” said Hoskins.

“Why are people doing this to themselves? It’s like 15 hours?”

The Advocate reached out to a local train enthusiast who took the time to explain to our reporters just why people still catch the train when there’s a much easier and cheaper option.

Oscar Grossman, that guy in Betoota Heights on Alambie Street with the detailed train set in his garage, said that some people just prefer it.

“It might be hard for people to understand, like I don’t understand how anybody can willingly buy and consume a bottle of Black Sambuca,” he said.

“But you don’t see me looking to persecute and laugh at them,”

“I am a human who gets the train between capitals and I say it proudly. I do it because I like train travel. It’s like a small holiday in itself. You can get wankered in your cabin, visit the dining car for dinner. Get a gut full of red and when you wake up, you’re in Sydney – the land of broken dreams and fuck heads.”

More to come.

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