ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
You’d be forgiven for thinking local personality Larry Coleman has a lap band because each time he fixes himself a hearty bowl of porridge, he always leaves a third of it to soak in the kitchen sink afterwards.
But not today.
Today the 24-year-old leasing agent-cum-entertainer powered through a regulation size satchel of Uncle Toby’s microwave porridge and hit the china at the bottom of the bowl for the first time – defying all the odds.
However, Coleman is living to regret it.
Speaking to our reporter on the D45 bus from Betoota Ponds to the French Quarter, Larry said that he feels like he’s eaten a paddy melon whole and it’s making it quite hard to stay awake.
“Mate, I don’t feel very good,” said Larry as his eyes rolled around in his head.
“I should’ve just eaten ’till I started feeling full, but I was so close to polishing the bitch so I just went ham and finished the lot of it,”
“Why can’t you open the windows on these fucking buses anymore? I need to vomit, I just need to man.”
Colemen then proceeded to vomit three times between his knees and onto the floor of the bus.
Our reporter remarked that he must’ve been quite dehydrated as the vomit itself was ‘quite thick’ and the customary ‘sploosh’ that typically accompanies a regurgitating was replaced with a dull slap.
Larry apologised to getting some porridge on our reporters jelly bean sandals he was wearing, despite The Advocate‘s dress code policy forbidding it, before alighting from the D45 two stops early.
More to come.