Identity Crisis Peaks As Local Man Arrives At The Pub Wearing Schoolboys Jersey From 2008

“I don’t get why everyone’s going on about it.”

Identity Crisis Peaks As Local Man Arrives At The Pub Wearing Schoolboys Jersey From 2008

27 July, 2016 10:25

MURRAY DARHLING | Health & Wellbeing | CONTACT

In what has been labelled a desperate cry for help, Hugh Collins-Allen (26) turned up for a night out with friends wearing his Scox Grammar First XV rugby jersey from 2008.

Having completely failed to establish any form of adult identity in the preceding seven years, Collings-Allen reportedly chose the jersey ahead of his regular Industrie ‘going out shirt’.

“I don’t get why everyone’s going on about it.” Said the part-time pool shop attendant who lives inside his parent’s ‘granny flat’.

“We were the best side the school’s produced in decades!”

“Anyone who says it’s stupid has obviously never represented their school at the highest level.”

However, Collins-Allen’s mates were less than enthusiastic about his special blue and gold jersey.

“It’s pretty embarrassing to be honest,” said Oscar McCallum (26), fellow Scoxonian and childhood friend of Collins-Allen, who was wearing a salmon-pink polo shirt. “School finished six years ago, mate. Most of us are working full-time now. I mean, I’m at Macquarie!”

“We were going to head into the Uni strip to try and hook up with some alternative chicks. Now we just look like private school wankers.”

McCallum went on to label Collings-Allen a “sad cunt” and even called into question his friend’s rugby career.

“The dickhead mostly played twos anyway. Only got the call up ‘cos Sheepy did his achilles against Wavilton.”

Collings-Allen reportedly left the pub early to attend the 17th birthday of a Presbyterian Ladies College student.

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